Coolest Beer labels of the USA

Big Writing!

Following on from recent articles on the best US beer and the ones that missed out, I thought it'd be a good idea to lighten up the mood a touch. Those articles were somewhat traumatic to write, let alone to conjure up.....but it was heaps of fun.

In this blog entry I focus on the graphical side: beer labels. It only dawned on my while writing the the two previous blogs that I was viewing some of the coolest beer labels in the world (take that with a grain of salt). Sure, I have no way seen every single beer label ever produced, but that isn't the point. The point is the ones I did see during the 253 different beers I had, some of them were simply damn good.

So, without a long and arduous explanation I hereby present my selection of what I thought were the coolest beer labels of the US. I'll write up some commentary to boot, just so you don't get too bored? And that is on the assumption you're not fast asleep already? :-/ (Those people with insomnia should pay me accordingly.)

Eye Dream of Jeannie?

Magic Hat came up with a pretty cool label with 'Heart of Darkness'. Not sure about you but when I bought this beer my immediate reaction was to think of I Dream of Jeannie. You know when they run the theme at the start of the show and Jeannie gets sucked back into the bottle and all you see is the blinking eyes? Well, that's the image I get.

I am not sure if that's a totally healthy image or whether that is normal, but if you've read enough of my blogs you'll already know that I am not really "normal". Still, 'Heart of Darkness' does portray, in my view, a soul searching beer. I know I did a lot of soul searching when I was in the US.....or was that beer searching?

John Wayne Gacy?

Doesn't this have John Wayne Gacy written all over it? It's a real spooky beer if you ask me, and from memory it tastes pretty spooky as well. Clown Shoes have come up with a design that actually got me scared. Me. Scared. The funny thing about this beer is I recall drinking it in Arkansas with friends, and I can assure you that after a night out drinking I genuinely looked like the clown on the label. Scary stuff, huh? Mind you, I probably drank this almost blind folded, thinking only positive thoughts. I mean, with a label like this you wouldn't really want to make fun of the Mexican folk, would you not?

Devil got your tongue?

Southern Tier Brewing Company laid out this cracker of a design on an OK beer. The only wish I had was that if I could get a tongue as long as that? That would enable me to do numerous things, some of which are best not to mention in this blog. This Imperial Helles Lager is nice, but be careful. The Devil is awaiting to play havoc with your mind....and after drinking a few of these you'll certainly end up in Hell, most likely face up in the furnace of the Devil himself with him licking your face with his long tongue.

Encore!

Another great label from Magic Hat. This time we're shouting Encore! It's a pretty self explanatory beer label, this one. A rock band is playing, the crowd pull out their lighters, hands in the air, flick the lighter and get a flame then sway.

I guess it's such a pity I don't smoke and therefore don't have a lighter. It'd make things a whole lot easier if I did next time I was at a concert. Of course, I do not condone smoking. That is a terrible habit but having a lighter just for the sake of being at a concert and doing that is cool. This label definitely sits in my 'way cool' category because of it's rock 'n' roll theme. Actually, it wasn't a bad beer either.

Monkey see, monkey do

Gorilla's in the Mist? King Kong? Planet of the Apes? These are just some of the thoughts rattling through my mind like an old Volkswagen when I look at this label from Pangaea Beer Company. They've come up with a classic design on Lilja’s Sasquatch Stout.  I have to say that this beer was really, really nice.

I'm pretty sure that if I had a top thirty (30) list it would make it. Still, the artwork on this label is awesome. I love it. This is one of my favourites. Whether you're thinking of apes, chimps or chimps at typewriters copying the works of Shakespeare you have to be a complete monkey not to think that this label cool.

Party animals!

Staples Mill Brewing have designed a classic retro-style label that conjures up thoughts of young American college students drinking Bud Light 'til the wee hours of the morning. It did for me, anyway. The Frat Boy Pilsner wasn't really a beer I enjoyed, I don't think. I remember having it, but it didn't bring any pleasant memories. Still, (oh, you liked how I put the word 'Still' in this? The brewery is in Stillwater, Minnesota. Get it?) the label is a real eye-catcher for me and it kind of sparks a bit of Dick Tracy in my mind, too. A great label. Such a pity it was a poorly brewed beer.  I am just hoping that I got a bad batch of this stuff, rather than it was actually an ordinary beer. Still, life moves on. :-)

A pretty big cock

There is a strong possibility that I actually had chicken the night I had this beer. New Belgium Brewing and Brewery Vivant have locked horns (or should I say chicken lips) to come up with a quirky label. The Lips of Faith beer somehow made me think of farm yard animals, which I relate to farmhouse ales. Maybe I'm daydreaming but there was a concern while drinking this that I wasn't the only cock in the house? I guess I'd be more worried if there was Foghorn Leghorn! But as my attempted humor goes down quicker than dirty water down a sink, I'll just stick to picking another label for you to review. Don't worry, my half-arsed attempted humor will not allow me to give up my day job. (applause and cheers)

Kiss my ass!

Well, I'm saving my favourite label 'til last. Ass Kisser bring out the kid in me with their ultra cool insignia. The beer I had was a Smoked Porter. Wow. This was probably another beer that could have made my top twenty (20) list. It was quite something, both the beer and the label. I guess if there was a competition that allowed me to pick the coolest label combined with the beer then this would actually win.

Luckily for me there is a distribution chain here in Sydney that have this available. It's now just a matter of time before I get my hands on this beer again. Yay for me!


Once I get more photos available I will go through them and see if I can't get more cool labels. Until then, enjoy.

dannbrew@gmail.com